Aaron+and+Nara


 * The Hair **

Standing under the showers, allowing the water washing over me, flowing down my body, I thought of the nightmare I went through just hours before. I lifted my hand, the l object being long and heavy with bone, meat and blood, and felt the scar across my neck. It felt as though it was long ago, though it was, like I said, only hours ago that nightmare occurred. Then as I moved my hand to my shoulders, I felt a thin string-like substance stuck on my skin. Curious, I picked it off my shoulders and lifted it, levelling it with my eyes. It was a long blond, sleek strand of hair.

‘Oh, it’s my hair’, I said to myself. Suddenly, I realized something. Using my hands, I went through my hair to confirm my worry. When I looked at my fingers, I saw many strands of hair dangling from my fingers. Oh my god. It was true. My hair was falling. The same nightmare was starting again. Just a month ago, I underwent rigorous treatment for an unusual disease, which hair loss is a symptom. All that trips to the medical centre 2 hours away, 4 times a week really drained me mentally and financially. One day, the scan showed that I had recovered from this problem. A month later, more strands of hair was dangling on my fingers. It had begun again. However, I was sure of one thing: the doctor lied. Hurrying myself out of the bathroom, I pulled on some clothes, a jacket, and a cap. Well it wasn’t bright, that day, however my conscience told me the cap would serve its purpose. Taking my phone and wallet and placing them in my pocket, I left my peaceful home, hailed a taxi, and began my way to the medical centre. As I sat at the back of the taxi, watching the cars pass by in front of my eyes, I wondered would I ever be rid of this disease that had been haunting me in my memories ever since the previous time it happened.

I began thinking about the future. In 10 years time, how would I be like? I pictured myself bald, with hair only at the back of my head. I was too young to go bald. I could not be wearing a wig even in university. After two hours of torturing visions of myself being bald, the taxi finally halted at the gate of the centre.The situation was heated in the doctor's office, for the doctor assured that I was cured. And there I was, with my hair falling off again. I started first. I told him that he was just a greedy and unethical doctor. Surprisingly, the doctor, Dr Raden, was calm. I shouted at him that I was not joking here. Then, he took me to a dim room, just next door. Seeing that I was still mad, he told me that he was going to explain. I sat on the wooden chair, facing a white screen. Dr Raden clipped an X-ray diagram on the screen. He said that it was mine. So what, I wondered. Then, he told me be brave and steady. I just puffed my chest up to show him. "You had cebral cancer from the beginning", said Dr. Raden.

My puffed-out chest flattened when I heard the news, and I buried my head with my hands. The shock of the news was unexplainable in words. However, how could not he have told me before, when I first began the therapy a few months ago? Why would he only break the news to me now, when it was crucial that the patient knew his own disease early, so that he could make the appropriate actions or decisions for it? When I looked up again, I was surprised again to see the doctor so calm. How could he be, when his patient was in such distress by such a news, and with the magnitude of the importance of the news being so high, and yet he did not mentioned it before, I felt the rage inside me rising. When I lost control of myself, I sprang and grabbed the doctor shirt, demanding why did he not told me this before.

Suddenly, the doctor shouted, "You are right, okay. I made a mistake'. He pushed me away and told me to let him explain. Explain what? I am going to live for hundred years old with cancer! He went away for a while. In the loneliness, I began thinking that going bald is certianly better than cancer. That 's great. My parents were going to outlive me. Then, Dr Raden entered with a white file. It was marked 'LONDON'. After taking a deep breath, he said, 'You thought that we did only one scan on you. Well, actually we did two scans. You received only one, which is the normal one. The other scan was sent to London for further analysis, because I suspected a tumuor growing in your cerebrum, but I couldn't confirm it. My worst fears were proved two days ago,when this scan returned.' He handed me the X-ray diagram. I saw a medium sized white object near the sides of my brain. Slowly, I calmed down. I glared at him, not knowing to say. It is not his fault after all. Dr. Raden continued, 'I was going to give you the scan today, but you yourself showed up. Fortunately, God never lets go good souls. There is a treatment for cerebral cancer.'

This doctor is definitely a devil. First he threw me in an abyss of despair then gave me hope. I asked him what the treatment is. He hesitated,' I cannot guarantee to you that you will be cured after the treatment. You may not even survive during the process. It is a newly discovered treatment. You will be the first to carry it out. Are you willing to take the risk?’ I am uncertain. I don’t want to die in such a young age. Should I gamble with my life? My head is crowded with pros and cons. The decision to this matter determines my future. I know the consequences if I have made the wrong choice. But in the other hand, I know the amount of happiness I will have if I have made the right one. Papers and pen are shove into my hand. I need to make the decision immediately. I pick up the pen and sign on the paper. I have decided.


 * Your overall writing is good but I didn’t find this story that interesting. Sorry, the starting was okay but the ending is quite dull and I don’t think ‘the hair’ as a title is that effective. I’m sure this is not your best work and you can certainly do much better.

Joseph: From my review of the story, there are a few mistakes that I would like to mentioned which is the word "I" from the sentence of "the I object being long and heavy with bone, meat and blood". However, I like the part when the girl said that from 10 years time, she pictured herself bald, with hair only at the back of her head. She also said she was too young to go bald and she could not be wearing a wig even in university. It was interesting and keep it up.