Nicolas+and+Nawwaf

__ Epic quest of Nicolas and Nawwaf to Narnia, Bangladesh (Google it)

__ The blazing heat of the tropical sun baked the surrounding around their small abode. It distorted the horizon making it hazy and it seemed to have the same dizzying effect on these two Bangladeshi boys. After walking back from the village square Nicolas and Nawwaf returned with their bounty of a hard day’s work, plenty of rice and vegetables. "What was his problem man? He was being damn unfair to us. We worked more than the others but we got less than them," complained Nicolas. "You were the one who always wanted more, maybe you annoyed Ridwan to the point he just doesn't care about what you say," reasoned Nawwaf. Nicolas let loose a grunt and kicked a rock on the ground. The rock hit a wall and ricocheted of it and hits a huge pot. The pot shakes violently and the two watch it from a distance. “What’s happening bro?” asks Nicolas. Nawwaf’s eyes are fixed on to the pot when suddenly, it stopped shaking and shattered. Dust scatters everywhere and they moved closer to inspect the debris. Within the dust a thick book titled the Chronicles of Narnia emerged.

The book emergeed with a blinding flash of light and it floated towards us in mid-air. Nicolas was drooling with his eyes wide open. The book was quite large and smelly. The pages were in black and the words were written in pure gold. Punctuations were in platinum and the symbols were in jade. Overall, the book seemed quite valuable and eye-catching. After the minute and a half of such an unusual experience, we finally got our senses back and decided to see what the book was about. Nicolas suddenly had the urge to take the book for himself. He threw a few stones at the book and its unusual colors and auras which surrounded it, dispersed and it fell to the ground. Nicolas had a bad feeling about this, he had a weird expression on his face. Nawwaf slowly approached the book when suddenly Nicolas shouted, "Duck!". Nawwaf quickly turned toward Nicolas and said, "There are no ducks nearb--". BAM!

A fist meet his face and he fell to the ground. Nicolas grabbed the ornate book and took off leaving a trail of dust behind him. He found an isolated corner and opened the book. The jewels blinded him as he had never seen anything so decorated before. "I'll be the richest boy in Bangladesh! NO! THE WORLD!!!" shouted Nicolas gleefully. Consumed in his fantasy of richness he hugged the ornate tome with a vice-like grip. Ignoring the world and all foreign stimuli Nicolas couldn't notice that the book had started to glow eerily. It defies gravity and floats up with Nicolas still clinging onto it. Soon he was conscious that he was floating at least 2 meters in the air and relaxed his grip on the book. He fell to the ground and stared at the divine and ethereal tome.

Nawwaf regained his conscious and awoke to find that the sun was going to set. He recalled what had happened. He soon realized that the book was gone and so was Nicolas. Not being able to find a single clue where Nicolas had fled, he went back to the village square and discovered that there was no one around. The dead silence gripped Nawwaf with fear and numbness. Nawwaf looked at the blurry horizon at the distance and he saw a shooting star. It was no ordinary shooting star, this one was coming towards him, and fast. The star got bigger by the second and it emitted a blinding flash of light which Nawwaf had to squint his eyes to see the star. Suddenly, the star exploded in mid-air and a deafening sound echoed in the atmosphere. The debris of the star were scattered across the country side. Nawwaf rushed to a nearby cliff and what he saw was astonishing. One of the debris of the star collided with the earth and upon impact it had flattened nearly all the trees of a mile's radius. The debris had gone deep into the earth and the crater was quite large. Out of the blue, his eyes caught Nicolas running towards the crater with the enchanted tome in his arms.

His attention was captivated by something by which Nawwaf's eyes could not comprehend. Nicolas seemed hypnotized and like a sailor to mermaids, he was drawn into the crater. In the middle of the crater stood a monolith surrounded by an unearthly blue glow. Inscribed on it were lines which intersected each other with mathematical precision. In its orbit are spheres which glorify the seemingly spontaneous value of pi. All these meticulous feats of engineering could not have been that of our world. As Nicolas approached the obelisk and touched it the eerie glow of blue had suddenly changed to a fiery red. By then Nawwaf ran to Nicolas fearing for his safety.

However, he was too late to rescue Nicolas or himself, the obelisk shattered to pieces and within it was a divine red portal into the unknown. The portal seemed to consume the earth with each passing minute and as Nawwaf turned back and started to run for his life when he saw Nicolas slowly walking towards the gateway. Nawwaf knew eventually both of them would be consumed so he ran back to Nicolas and tried his best to intervene but failed to succeed. What lay beyond the portal was fantasy beyond imagination. "Where are we?" questioned nawwaf. Nicolas glared at Nawwaf with his glowing eyes and replied, "This... is Narnia".


 * __MESSAGE FROM IRENA AND GAMU:__**

Perhaps use of commas should be noted so as not to create a bullet train effect? However, description is vivid, and vocabulary quite good. We're also quite eager to know what comes next. But come on guys, Narnia? No originality? What about copyrights? Message from Enayet and Xian: Another message from Gamu and Irena: We agree with Enayet and Xian with the points mentioned.
 * The introduction provides a vivid image of the setting.
 * The quality of the essay however deteriorates as it progresses.
 * The phrase "Nawwaf and Nicolas" is repeated too often. Try to implement different pronouns.
 * Closer attention must be paid to tenses. The story begins in present tense and later reverts to past tense.
 * Closer attention must be paid to singular and plural tenses.
 * "Nawwaf’s eyes were fixed on to the pot then it stopped shaking and shattered." Revise the phrasing here, the sentence structure appears to be fragmented.