Shakira+and+Christopher

 **__My Late Night__** That day was to be another uneventful day in my uneventful life. It was certain, or so I thought. Long holidays had arrived and I was stuck at home. Heat crept in and peaked at twelve then went away with the sunset. For so many hours, I sat myself on the couch in front of the television with the excess of my fat spilling over the sides. Flies buzzed away, whizzing around and exploring the terrain of my mountainous belly. The bag of chips was my only friend and as for my social life - never existed. Twelve hours into my television marathon, it was already past twelve midnight. Dad was away in Thailand claiming to have some "business" there. My mom was still not home.

It seems as though Dad is constantly away due to "business". The question is, what business? I've never been exactly sure what it is that Dad does for a living. Mum says he's the head of a well-kept trading business with many important wealthy men who need bodyguards and incredible connections to other important businessmen. She's never gone into detail about what it is that he trades, which I find rather suspicious. She says that he has to trade quietly and what he does requires a great deal of seclusion. Dad does not tell me anything, he just gives me the same speech mum does. I can't quite place my finger on it. All I know is there's a lot of money involved.

As for mum, she tells me that she teaches Math at some local school. It is supposedly a special school where she has to start work in the evening and often finishes teaching the following morning. The strange this was she always went out scantily dressed for her job and no other time. Anyway, I would end up being alone for most part of the night time. South Park ended shortly before the clock ticked 1 a.m. . I sat in the glaring beam of the television happily munching away my sixth packet of Lays as the darkness seemed to engulf me. My only hope was the light of the television. I was completely absorbed, even to the foolish advertisements. My stream of concentration on the television was suddenly split and drained away when I heard a clanging sound coming from the front door of my house. 1: 03 a.m.; my karate instincts immediately kicked in. My last karate lesson was just yesterday and I clearly remember the "double decker sucker punch" Mr. Kwon taught us yesterday. I replayed my weekly lesson for 2 minutes in my head as I rushed to my dingy bedroom to grab my Nunchaku that I keep in my underwear drawer in case of emergencies. I was temporarily excited as I imagined I was in a popular action movie but then I realised that this was reality and I was in an extremely dangerous situation. 1.09 a.m.; adrenaline started pumping through my veins wildly. Thank God I was already wearing black, excusing me from a supermodel clothe change. I then crept through the dark hallway internally beating myself up for choosing the fluorescent yellow Nunchaku instead of the sleek black ones. As I was dwelling on this, the clanging started up again and my instincts instantly became extremely acute.

I leaped and rolled across the living space towards the front door, Ninja style. It was evident now my weight did not affect me, I was full force ahead. Luckily for me, the driveway gave away the movements of the intruder. I immediately knew when the intruder had broken the lock on the gate because of the sound of the rusty gates swinging open. As the criminal trod up to the front door, I could hear him stepping on the fallen leaves. I was completely prepared for him. For five seconds I closed my eyes and meditated on the task ahead; let the criminal enter and then whack him down and show him what I had. As I focused, I could visualise my body and mind becoming one as Mr. Kwon taught me. However, a bugging sensation suddenly emerged deep down in me. I tried to focus but the uncomfortable sensation grew stronger and stronger. Moments later, I let it rip from my pants. Now I was eased and with and aura of flatulence around me.  Why on Earth did I consume so many packets of Lays? My eyes widened as I listened to see if the criminal was making any sudden movements. He wasn't, thank God. Instead, as I heard his steady footsteps approaching, I bent my knees slightly and raised my arms in to fighting position so to prepare myself for the massive pummelling that I was about to give to the unknowing criminal. I felt a slight pang of glee as the knowledge that I had the upper hand in this battle entered my intense brain. A clicking sound came from the doorknob. The criminal knew how to pick locks! Oh, he's sly. I tensed up my whole body in preparation as the doorknob started to turn. The door then swang open and before I could even get a good look of the criminal, I had attacked him - no, her! - with my fluorescent Nunchaku! As she lay there unconscious on the ground, I assesed the criminal's body and realised who she was... I was going to be in so much trouble.

Suddenly, the light flickered on. "Sha-chris-ra, why you do her like that?" A familiar but distant voice peppered me. Recovering from the slap I just received, I couldn't really tell. I looked down, to see the same, crippled body on the floor. But wait! The body had the same curves as Mum, but the face was rather contrasting. It surely floated my boat staring at her face, if I knew what that meant. She resembled those ladies that normally stand next to the streets, I didn't know what their purposes were. I looked up to the now illuminated face. It was Dad! The door creaked once again as Mum stepped through the doorway. This was awkward and uncomfortably weird, my mouth just stayed open as I tried to understand this ridiculous situation. I really wanted to have used that "double decker sucker punch", but maybe not today seeing that the criminals turned out to be my own parents and some chick.

By Agu: Generally, the essay rocks!! I can only find three major faults, and that was because i had to. Firstly i think that both of you misunderstood yourselves. Because first it says he hears the front door ,then gate, then walking on leaves? I also think that, the ending is quite cliche and extremely lame and if the "chick" was a hooker, as i believe you would want your readers to think, then why would the mom be standing happily beside her husband, instead of beating him or at least scolding him. Also the intro is a bit too long. It takes up half the essay. Other than your flaws, the grammar and punctuations were tops and the story line was reasonably well worked, but a bit cliche!

By TatHoi: Basically I think it is an interesting story. A fat boy which is lack of love from his parents and have no control of his diet and his television is his only company. But I think the story is too much on the opening of the story describing the boy and his parents’ lives. The words usage of this passage is good and some of the words I can’t even understand. Even the word “eat” also substituting by the word consume which sound a bit of “science” for me. However overall this is a good story.